Mother’s Day can be hard on women everywhere, whether it’s comparing ourselves with others’ parenting skills or having lost a child to infertility. Mother’s Day can be painful or joyful or something in between. Instead of celebrating this lovely Sunday get-together with family, you might be one of the 6.1 million women in the United States who struggle to conceive or complete their pregnancy. Instead of savoring expected joy, you might be coping with heartache.
TikToker Shares Her Heartache
One such woman’s tribute is TikToker @celinaspookyboo who shared her emotional video with her followers, saying “For the ones experiencing infertility, miscarriage and child loss this Mother’s Day, I know the silence is deafening.” She then speaks about the two babies she has lost. She honors her babies in a memorial forest with trees that are planted there. Her video is tagged “IAmOneInFour,” referring to the number of pregnancies that end up failing. For the full article, we invite you to read her story: https://www.intheknow.com/post/infertility-miscarriage-loss-mothers-day/
We forget, sometimes, that Mother’s Day is hard on women struggling with primary or secondary infertility. Society can make motherhood even more challenging for those women who can’t conceive or carry their pregnancy to full term. We tend to put pressure on the women in our lives, asking when they’re going to have a child or seeing TV commercials and magazines touting happy photos of mothers with happy children.
The National Infertility Association reveals that 1 in 8 American couples grapple just to conceive — and that 1 in 4 pregnancies come to an end before birth. Society doesn’t always acknowledge the struggle with infertility or infertility grief. There’s a term for this loss known as “ambiguous loss” where it’s not treated as a traditional loss. People may even be uncomfortable acknowledging it at all, so women experiencing it don’t even have that natural outlet for their grief.
Women struggling with infertility often find themselves dealing with sadness, anger, insecurity and fear. You need to give yourself permission to grieve and fully experience your emotions. This is a vital step to recovery and moving past the feelings after acknowledging them. It’s important to experience those painful emotions as many times as needed so you feel heard.
This month, acknowledge your feelings in the way that is best for you. Do you want to join in with Mother’s Day activities with loved ones? If not, give yourself permission to forgo celebrating it this year. If an invitation from your mother or grandmother or other significant caregiver leaves you feeling conflicted, honor your feelings and explain why so your loved one can still connect with you. You can also suggest celebrating another time by hosting a gathering to honor your loved one later in the month.
May is a good month to take extra good care of yourself by acknowledging the very real struggle faced by women like yourself trying to conceive. Spend some quiet time focusing on the good things that are in your life. Appreciate that abundance for what it is so you know that you are deserving of all the good things. Take a day to enjoy an outing with your significant other or someone who understands what you are dealing with. Go outside and enjoy the gifts of springtime. Just find ways to treat yourself because you deserve it.
It can help to seek out others who share your struggles. Developing friendships with others facing infertility can be a vital support network to feel heard and understood. Online groups often serve as a balm for an outlet for your emotional pain while meeting with a fertility specialist can help you find answers as you navigate this journey. Our Idaho Fertility Center team in Idaho Falls has worked with women just like yourself to provide support and solutions. We invite you to call 208-529-2019 to speak to our caring, experienced team!